Employee of the month
October 2024
This will be the final Employee of the Month award, as we recently had to say a final goodbye to our dear friend Max.
He was a wonderful friend and a constant presence in our lives for 11 years. We (including Doris) all miss you so much.
There will never be another dog quite like you, Max - we will never forget the joy you gave our family for eleven wonderful years.
It is fitting that you win the final Employee of the Month award. Rest well, my dear old friend.
xxx
September 2024
Max wins Employee of the Month for September, because Doris clearly has no respect for authority.
August 2024
Max wins Employee of the Month for August, because he finally got sick of Doris invading his personal space, so stole not just her bed - but also her Snuggle Sausage and favourite blanket.
Doris was perplexed by the incident.
Max - quite rightly - showed little to no remorse.
July 2024
Wary that her destructive tendencies had lost her the coveted EOM award last month, Doris sought to demonstrate that she did in fact value her possessions (perhaps if not mine), to the extend that she took to sleeping with her favourite toy “Starfy” firmly jammed in her mouth. (Very demure, very cutesy.)
Such cuteness and dedication to toy-protection wins Doris Employee of the Month for July 2024.
June 2024
Top photo: My virtually new Icebreaker gloves, mauled by a black Labrador.
Bottom photo: Two black Labradors looking innocent.
I know exactly which one of them mauled the glove - the culprit was caught with it in the garden (while the other one was fast asleep).
Max wins Employee of the Month for June.
I don’t think I need to explain why.
May 2024
Doris’ (inevitable) modelling career has taken off, with her being featured in the new Blunt Dog Jacket Campaign “Parks and Puddles”.
As one of four dogs asked to model dog jackets (along with Serge, Koda and Alfie), Doris took her job extremely seriously - striking a number of previously unseen model poses, and sitting still for unprecedented periods of time.
Doris wins Employee of the Month for May 2024, although Narly came a close second, after showing off his tanned and shapely calves for the camera - just a little something to keep the ladies happy.
April 2024
Automatic win for Max, as it’s his birthday today (the day of the website update), so he gets Employee of the Month as part of his present.
That said, Doris did extremely well at work yesterday - with no barking, no food stealing, and it has been several months since she peed on the Chief Marketing Officer. She’s making a very strong early case for Employee of the Month in May 2024.
March 2024
Who launched themselves onto the kitchen bench and stole my chicken and mayo sandwich?
Not Doris.
That’s why she wins Employee of the Month. For not stealing my sandwich. (Although she did destroy the evidence by licking the crumbs off the face of the perpetrator.)
February 2024
It’s Doris’ birthday month, so she automatically wins Employee of the Month.
This is her official birthday portrait.
(Sorry Max.)
January 2024
Max posed for this photo and possibly didn’t notice that Doris was lurking behind him.
For his services to super cute staff photos, Max wins January 2024 Employee of the Month.
December 2023
With plenty of Christmas treats on offer, Doris really mastered the art of looking cute while begging.
It’s almost like she was begging to be crowned Employee of the Month again.
It worked.
Doris wins Employee of the Month for December 2023 for her outstanding begging.
November 2023
In the lead up to the Christmas and New Year holidays, it’s easy to get stressed and panic about things you need to do.
Not for dear old Max - while the world around him descends into chaos, Max has mastered the art of not giving a f**k and has taken his relaxation levels to new heights.
For teaching us all how to chillax, Max wins Employee of the Month Award for November 2023.
October 2023
Max’s legal representatives have pointed out that since the arrival of Doris, Employee of the Month had been too heaviliy influenced by Doris.
In what can only have been described as a veiled - yet pointed - threat, lawyers for Max Kalupahana (for privacy reasons, I can only refer to the law firm by the pseudonym “Leigh Snapper Lengthy”) strongly suggested that Max be seriously considered for the October award.
With a view to avoiding litigation*, Max wins this month’s Employee of the Month Award.
*Doris reserves all of her rights
September 2023
Poor little Doris had a tough month - she was taken to the after hours vet after vomiting a few times, and at 10:30pm that night, the vet called us to say that they needed to operate on her. After a two hour surgery, they removed a section of her intestine that had a bony blockage.
Doris was then confined to a tiny pen and her crate, with a cone on her head - for two weeks.
Of course, only Doris could win this month’s Employee of the Month…
August 2023
I take Doris to Blunt on Thursdays and she usually gets so excited by the attention that she pees everywhere. (I have to follow her around with a small towel - gross.)
Anyway, I took her to Blunt last week and she only did a single teeny tiny wee when Katie (on front desk) rarked her up - otherwise she saved it for the grass out at the park.
Doris therefore wins Employee of the Month for “Impressive Bladder Control”.
July 2023
Max just puked outside, and it was quite clear that Doris’ first thought was that Max’s barf would make a lovely afternoon tea.
I felt that this was extremely un-ladylike behaviour from Doris, so Max wins Employee of the Month, mainly because his role (making the puke) in the puke-bomb event was slightly less disgusting than Doris’ role (wanting to ingest the puke).
June 2023
Doris had this one in the bag, until she went completely bonkers the other night and tore holes in our ottoman and my Icebreaker hoodie sleeve. Canis non grata.
Max is therefore Employee of the Month, largely by default.
Doris’ displeasure at this decision can be observed in the side eye she’s giving me here.
May 2023
This month’s award is for Outstanding Contributions to Security and Safety.
Suspecting that a freshly washed dish cloth was a potential threat of some sort to the household, Doris duly fetched it from inside the washing machine and proceeded to destroy it - showing the same enthusiasm and aggression as she does towards her food at mealtimes.
For remaining vigilant in the face of silent danger, Doris wins Employee of the Month.
April 2023
For the first time in the firm’s history, we had joint winners.
Max posed for the Employee of the Month photo, but Doris - thinking that she had won - photobombed Max (and me) and we couldn’t find a way to effectively crop her out.
So, the joint winners of Employee of the Month are Doris… and of course, Max.
(I narrowly lost out on the award when it was discovered that this photo was actually taken in May.)
March 2023
Max fell asleep like this on a stool.
It was a truly magnificent effort. His perseverance in falling asleep in the most uncomfortable positions has earned him this month’s Employee of the Month Award.
February 2023
This month we informed Max that he had a sister coming in May.
He took the news well, and even helped Livia to assemble the new puppy’s crate.
His helpfulness catapulted him to Employee of the Month once again.
January 2023
In what can only be described as true dedication to cleanliness, Max guarded the floor and made sure that there was no bolognaise sauce on it.
The few drops that did splash on the floor were very quickly cleaned up by his tongue-mop.
For his efforts in keeping the kitchen clean, Max wins Employee of the Month once again.
December 2022
One of the kids put Christmas coloured ribbons on Max.
How am I supposed to compete with this? Sigh.
Employee of the Month is, once again… Max.
November 2022
We agreed that we’d change the criteria for Employee of the Month, given the extraordinary run of form from Max.
The team had a catching competition, and the winner was… Max, with this excellent catch of a piece of rogue carrot from the cutting board.
With the arrival of the worm farm, Max’s carrot consumption has taken a worrying (for him) dive.
October 2022
Max had some surgery on his hind leg this month, and the vet said that he was the best patient they had that week.
He not only sat quietly and waited for his surgery, but he supervised the vet nurse for part of her shift, and was very well behaved when coming out of anaesthetic afterwards.
He therefore wins Employee of the Month for an unprecedented fourth month in a row.
September 2022
Max posed very nicely for this photo, and didn’t tear his crocheted scarf off.
For that reason, he won Employee of the Month once again.
August 2022
Max managed to pull off the double, and was voted employee of the month once again.
Max’s major achievements this month included:
Liberating a bagel from the kitchen bench
Pooping on the brand new garden boardwalk
Taking over tallying of Employee of the Month votes
July 2022
Congratulations to Max, for being named Employee of the Month for June 2022.
His duties include greeting clients, drowning out traffic noise with snoring, and keeping the floor around the chopping board clean. He has also recently been promoted to “Head of Morale” for the office.
Please join me in congratulating Max on his efforts.